So Flower Chick and I woke up, and got the hell out of the stinkin' in we were Inn. Wait...the hell out of the stinkin' Inn we were in. We walked to Don Corneo's Mansion, way up to the far end of Wall Market. Seriously this guy has the friggin' life. He sits in his quite fancy mansion all day, and every few nights gets three chicks lined up in front of him, and he gets to canoodle his favorite chick each night! The lucky so-an-so.
Now, can I just say that the following was TOTALLY Aeris' idea, and I was NOT up for it. But she decided that to get into the gaff to save Tita. However, the doorman was actually surprisingly competant, so we had to use our subtle skills. We went to every shop, every bar, every everything, asking had anyone seen a girl called Tifa, hoping we'd find out how the hell she got in with the Don. That is when we stumbled onto the most amazing place I've ever seen in my LIFE.
Yes my readers, this is the Honey Bee Inn. The most wonderful of wonders. Unfortunatly, I couldn't get into it without a Members Card. Thankfully, there was a man who was facing a moral dilemma about entering the haven. So I just snatched it out of his sweaty indecisive paws and pegged it inside.
The babes... oh god the babes... I ran around looking at all the different rooms in sheer glee and anticipation. There were only two rooms left. The *$&# Room, and The Group Room. I chose the latter, hoping to have a heap of Honeys heaving on top of me.
And that's EXACTLY what happened. There was no troupe of Village People Clones. There was no men in that room at all. Nope. Just me. Just me and many women. Nope. No Moustaches at all.
Long story short, I had to dress up as a woman by getting loads of different people loads of things and doing them favours. (I make a very pretty lady. It's cause I'm awesome.)
We got into the Don's House, and Aeris and Tita met. They didn't have a bitch fight over being my hoe or not, which was a major dissappointment. But we bet up Don Corneo's Lacky's and the man himself. Tifa was kinda upset when she found out that Shin-Ra was planning on blowing up the support that was holding the Plate above the Sector 7 slums. Unfortunatly, the Don had a little lever (tee hee) that when he pulled (tee hee) a trapdoor opened under us and we fell into the sewers.
We spent a worrying amount of time trawling through the sewers... but it had to be done. Thankfully, Tita randomly breaking down into paniced tears kept me entertained. (Her bewbs move a LOT when she cries!)
So we climbed up the ladder to get the hell out of the sewers AT FRIGGIN LAST, and ended up in the Train Graveyard in sector 7. Clearly this meant that the pillar was still standing. Now that I was IN sector 7, I realised that if I didn't help save the day, I'D be crushed as well. So we got moving.
When we finally made it, Tita decided to announce:
"We made it! The pillar's standing!"
... Well DUH. We had spent roughly 30 minutes in Sector 7 at this stage, and does she mean to say she NEVER copped it that had the pillar been destroyed Sector 7 would be a big pile of rubble?!
... Well DUH. We had spent roughly 30 minutes in Sector 7 at this stage, and does she mean to say she NEVER copped it that had the pillar been destroyed Sector 7 would be a big pile of rubble?!
We looked up to see Barret at the top of the pillar, shooting at as many different baddies as could be see, when SUDDENLY, Wedge fell down. (He was one of the crew that helped blow up the Reactor. Both potential lays (Aeris/Stalker Flower Girl and Tifa/Tita) stood and looked at me, so I knelt beside him and askd how he was. Seemingly the dude understood how awesome I actually am, and in an awestruck voice thanked me for knowing his name. Obviously the laws of physics have double standards here, as I fell from roughly the same height and yet, didn't die. (Must get those Cards printed...)
Potential Lay #1 sent Potential Lay#2 away to get Barret's daughter, and we bolted up the really long stairs. I friggin hate stairs. I really do. I hope I never have to go up this many stairs again in my life. Really. If I do have to go up stairs again, I will become suicidal/homicidal/insane (er).
We got to Barret, who was shooting at a helicopter. Obviously the dudes with the bomb were in it. Suddenly this Reno guy (he was stalking Aeris in the church) showed up to press a self-destruct buttton on the pillar. Now yet again, I see a major problem with the world. If this wasn't my life and instead it was a film or game, I'd pause, and point frantically saying "PLOTHOLE! PLOTHOLE!" Why on EARTH someone would build a huge pillar supporting many peoples homes and lives, and protecting many others and install an "EMERGENCEY RELEASE" button that is actually beyond me... but it was built that way apparently.
So we fought this Reno dude, and kicked his ginger butt. But then ANOTHER of these "Turks" assholes showed up, complete with a kidnapped Stalker Flower Girl. We tried to save her, but failed MISERABLY. (That is to say, Tita and Barret TOTALLY slowed me down and I would've been fine on my own.)
So I'm blogging from Aeris' house in Sector 5... We all just about got out of there by the skin of Barrets teeth. For the first time EVER in a long time... I actually felt bad.
Loads of people died, because of something we started. And more importantly, loads of people who's pants were still unknown to me.